Change the "Me" to "We"

Dear Readers,
If you are celebrating the holidays with that special someone, remember that the word "ME" can be turned around to spell "WE". It is one of the secrets to a lasting relationship!

The Gut Knows Best

Dear Miss Lisa,
A man wrote me a lengthy message on one of the dating sites.  He was so excited to read my profile, thought I was pretty, said we had a bunch of things in common and guess what, he's a lawyer!
My gut is screaming that something is wrong with this picture.  Is there?
signed,
My Gut Is Screaming

Dear Gut Buster,
Your gut screaming at you that something is wrong means it needs your immediate attention, every time.  Never ignore it or you can expect the worst outcome.  Call it your conscience, God's will, your past experiences, the Holy Spirit, whatever, bells going off in your head means pay attention and don't dismiss them.

Before you go out with him, whether it's meeting for drinks or dinner, spend more time with him online and find out more about him.  He could be Mr. Smooth-talker, Mr. Married Four Times, Mr. Still Married or Mr. Pervert.  I know from my own dating experiences that my gut/instincts are the best way to fly and won't serve me wrong.

Now go and ask him some pointed questions and don't be afraid to move on if his answers are vague.  Be sure to come back and let us know how it went!

How To Shut A Girl Up

Dear Gentlemen In This Cyber World,

Do you always get in trouble with your girlfriend because you're too honest? Do you drive her crazy and always feel like you're back-pedaling trying to come up with a way to undo what you've just said?

1) Kiss her with all the gusto you've got and mean it.
2) If that doesn't work, apologize and mean it, then repeat #1.

You're welcome.

Bored Brad

Hey There Miss Lisa,
Christmas is coming and the dating sites are dead, no new girls to ask out, it's boring. I have time off this week, are you free?
signed,
Bored Brad

Dear Brad,
Nice try. I'll clue you in on a little secret women wish more men knew - no woman wants to be a guy's second choice. Therefore, I politely decline your invitation. Even if it's true, never admit this fact to anyone because it only makes that other person feel bad. How would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot?
I would suggest, however, that you go do something helpful for someone else to keep your mind off of how lonely the holidays can be, such as...

- Call a family member and offer to help them wrap Christmas gifts, finish decorating the tree or running errands for them
- Knock on a neighbor's door and ask if they need any help with anything around the house doing something they can't do by themselves like replace ceiling light bulbs, that kind of thing
- If you've never sent Christmas cards, set aside some time to write a different memory down for each recipient. Believe me, they will love it!
- Focus on other people, it works every time!

Toad-Kissing Tessa

Dear Miss Lisa,
I'm in my early twenties but sometimes I feel like I'll never find my Prince Charming. I've kissed so many toads I'm getting warts. I've changed my hair, lost weight, changed my makeup, started watching the news to keep up with current events and no one online has asked me out in months. I joined every dating site that's free and all I get are winks/flirts, no messages wanting to talk.
What's else should I do?
signed,
Toad-Kissing Tessa

Dear Child,
You have your whole life in front of you and you're worried about being chained to a relationship right now? Are you insane?

It sounds like you've done a major overhaul, now get out there and show it off! Call your girlfriends and go see a movie, go to openings of new restaurants, go where the live music is, get away from the mirror and start living! Show off your new confidence. Step away from the computer and go find a warm-blooded person (male or person) to be with, it will do your ego a world of good to be stared at in person instead of worrying about someone messaging you online.

Of course I realize you are sitting at the computer reading this, so get up and get out!
Thatta girl! Make us proud!
*wipes a tear*

Mixed Up Mike

Dear Miss Lisa: 
I've been dating a girl for a year, on and off to be honest. My family tolerates/can't stand her but she does anything I want and really takes care of me, even though some would say it's her way of controlling me. I didn't even realize I was being controlled until I looked around and realized that my social life was nil. No more time for friends or family, it's always with her and her alone. I'm not in love with her but feel like I'm wasting time I should be looking for that perfect someone. Am I settling?
signed,
Mixed Up Mike

Dear Mike,
Yes.
Re-read your letter a couple of times and when you're ready to hear some honest advice, come back and I'll give it to you in spades.

Pensive Paul

Hey Miss Lisa:
It's depressing being single during the holidays. Everyone else has their special someone to spend the holidays with, but not me. What can I do to get out of the slumps?
signed,
Pensive Paul

Dear Paul,
*Smack upside the head*
SNAP OUT OF IT!

Sorry, but obviously you needed that. It's time for an attitude adjustment, honey, Sit down next to me while we write a list of why it's great to be alone during this time of year.

1) Your mate isn't demanding that you fix every little thing around the house before family shows up. All that free time is yours! Cool, huh?
2) You can play video games till zero-dark-thirty and no one cares.
3) Don't feel like decorating? No problem!
4) Shop online for presents. Your mate isn't making you go to the mall because she has no idea what to get Aunt Gertie and cousin Blanche.
5) You can leave the parties any time you want to. No one is making you hang around because they might miss something.
Make yourself a hot buttered rum, kick back and enjoy your alone time!
You're welcome.

Marlboro Man

Dear Miss Lisa:
The holiday season is here which means family and friends feel it's in my best interest to hang a goose-neck lamp, sit me down in a chair and interrogate me on why I haven't found "that special girl" yet.
What can I do to head them off at the pass?
signed,
Marlboro Man

Dear Marlboro Man,
If you look anything like the commercials, here's my number, call me. 
Just Kidding!

Any time too much attention is on you and it makes you uncomfortable, learn to divert and destroy or conquer. Turn their question around so it's really about them. It's easy-peasy, everyone loves to talk about themselves. Another fun strategy is to pretend to be texting someone constantly; it's very annoying, they'll think it's a woman on the other end and they won't worry about you anymore. In fact, it will probably aggravate them exceedingly that you're texting during the main holiday meal, while opening presents, you get where I'm going with this...

Does anyone else have this problem? I know I do... I usually tell them I'm talking or going out with several guys at the same time. Tends to make them worry, but the faces they make in response is totally worth it!

Meowing In Memphis

Dear Miss Lisa:
HELP! I'm about to buy another cat because I'm so lonely but I already have 4 of them and really don't need another mouth to feed!!! I've been on the Match and Christian dating sites but don't like any of the guys on there. What's a girl gotta do to get a date? I'm really upset!!!
signed,
Meowing in Memphis

Dear Meowing,
First off, calm down or you'll throw up a hairball.

Secondly, you haven't given me very much information but it sounds like you need to try a different dating site. Have you tried the cowboys dating site? My own daughter signed me up for the Farmer's Only site and the responses were pretty good which was a nice kick starter to cope with my own frustration. It hasn't turned into any dates (I'm kind of picky) but it's fun to see the pictures of cute farmers in the dells. I signed up for the motorcycle one once but the guys looked as rough as I imagined so I deleted my account.

Has anyone had any experience with the dating sites that aren't your usual mainstream? No X-rated sites, please, this is a PG group, and I still have that ruler in my desk drawer.....

I'm Not A Liar

Dear Miss Lisa:
I've got a BIG problem. Women only have pictures on their profiles from the waist up. Then it turns out, when we meet they are... how do I say this nicely... rather rotund when it comes to their rear ends. I know a lot of guys that like wide women but I'm talking about the kind that need a sign that says "wide load - pass with caution".
What gives?
signed,
I'm Not A Liar

Dear OhPishTosh!EveryoneTellsWhiteLies,
All of us want to show our good side to the world. Any person, male or female, has something wrong with them physically, which I might add is better than having a mental issue like their being a psychopath, wouldn't you agree?

If you are continually disappointed, I suggest you get to know the person better than your usual MO which sounds like you're not giving it enough time to get to know the other person very well before you meet up. Don't just talk on the phone, but do more - write emails, text, whatever it takes to get the other person to be totally honest with you or spill their guts, if you will. Sometimes it takes more than a week, so be patient and try to enjoy the process. But remember, they aren't the only one accountable. You have to be totally honest, too. Don't make me smack your hand with a ruler for lying.  Anyone else have this problem? I'll put the ruler away for now, I promise.

Mortified in Monterey

Dear Miss Lisa:
I talked with a guy online a couple of days and we agreed to meet for drinks. I walked into the restaurant on time, stood around looking for my date and heard my name called. I turned towards the voice and was shocked to see my date had aged 20 years! According to the face in front of me, his pictures on his profile were ancient, like prehistoric. He was not the nice looking man I had agreed to meet, in fact, he wasn't even attractive anymore. What went wrong?
signed,
Mortified in Monterey

Dear Morti-Honey,
Why are you surprised? Do you have images on your profile that were taken this year? Really? Are they full-body shots or just head shots? It works both ways, honey. Honesty is as honesty does, my Uncle on my Dad's side twice removed used to say..

Google is your friend and many times that extra 5 minutes will help. Before you agree to drinks with a stranger, google his full name. Yes, you have to ask his full name, don't be timid, it's for your own protection, remember? If there's nothing online about him, be blunt and ask him questions about his age and his photos. If he wonders why, be honest and tell him, then request he take a selfie right then and there. I do it all the time, it's a nice precaution against a miserable date.

Also, put on your profile that you will only talk to guys that have current photos on their profile. I have the request on mine, and have found it saves a lot of time weeding through the yes vs. no piles of messages. I learned my lesson the first time it happened to me. I admit... it scared the heebeejeebee's out of me! Whoa, dude!

Has this happened to anyone else?

photo credit: www.juegodetronosenlossietereinos.com

I Sincerely Request, Dear.....

Dear Readers,
When you are on one of the dating sites, does your inbox get a lot of messages from people that use the words "dear" or "sincerely request"? Is the sentence structure wonky? Are they flattering you so much in their initial message to you that it feels unreal?

Well, guess what? Those messages are from scammers. The internet dating sites all have huge boxes warning you to not answer mail from scammers but they don't give examples of what those messages look like. The image here is taken from my own inbox on one of the sites I belong to.

Another clue is their request to talk off the dating site so soon. Sure, I have talked to men by personal email, but it is ONLY after communicating for a couple of weeks and there is enough history to warrant getting off the site. Also, their subscription to the dating site is ALWAYS about to run out. Sure it is...

Why are the scammers so common on dating sites? 99% of the time they are are either from Nigeria wanting your money or foreigners looking for a green card. Their sweet-talking ways have obviously fooled a lot of people out of their money or broken their hearts for quite a while now. Don't you be one of them!
Be safe out there! Can anyone else relate?

I Think I'm The One

Dear Readers,

There is a notion that a single person giving advice to other singles doesn't make sense. I would like to prove that wrong. I am one of the lucky ones that had the perfect mate, the perfect marriage in every way imaginable, even though neither of us was perfect. Why? Because we worked at it, all the time, every day, without stopping. Being in love helped, too, I can't deny that. After becoming a widow, I was miserable for a long time because I missed being married.

It took a while but I finally came to the realization that living by myself was okay. I would rather have a mate, I'm happier that way, but living by myself is great, too, for all the obvious reasons. I don't have anyone else to answer to except myself. I can do what I want, when I want to do it, and my attitude changed without my knowing it.

What is that attitude called? Confidence, my friends. All of us need to remember that it is something that others can take away from us but only IF we let them. Don't let others take away your stiff upper lip, walking tall attitude! Women love it in men and men love it in their women. If you want people to notice you online or in person, put on your confidence before anything else. And deodorant - never leave the house without it.

Frustrated Frankenstein

Dear Miss Lisa:
I have been on 2 sites, three times for months at a time. No one will talk to me. Not one phone call, no texts, nothing. What is the problem?
signed,
Frustrated Frankenstein

Dear Frank,
There could be several reasons:

1) Check to make sure your profile has pictures of your smile. Close-ups get the most attention and girls love a guy that looks happy!

2) Are you chatty when you describe yourself or boring? I know that I get bored with "loves to hunt, fish, ride my 4-wheeler, blah boring blah... I like to read that a guy says he loves children or doesn't have any children at home and says he has a lot of free time to spend with 'someone special'. Be sure to let your audience know that you like to cook or work on projects around the house, the kinds of things that women like to hear.

3) Do a lot of searches and change your criteria often. Many times you will luck out if you type in a specific word like "nurse", "bar hopper" or "motorcycle" that interest's you or that you want to have in common. Once they see that you've read their profile, they will turn around and read yours.

4) Make that first step - communicate! If you like someone else's profile, write them a quick note and tell them. Clicking "flirt" is pretty useless, a lot of women don't even read them because they are so impersonal. Also, just because that perfect girl doesn't end up in your matches doesn't mean they aren't out there, you just have to look harder!

5) If you really do look like Frankenstein, I would suggest that you have your pictures done by a professional. They can work wonders in this digital age!

Let Us Help You!

Welcome! Are you single and struggling with the rest of us in the online matchmaking world or do you have a friend or relative trying to find love on one of the online dating sites? Send me a message or post your question on the wall! Let us help you!

Blindly Groping

Dear Miss Lisa:
I've been communicating with a girl on a dating site for a couple of days and she seems to be interested in me but I don't have the nerve to ask her for a date. How do you turn the messaging into a date?
signed,
Blindly Groping

Dear Blind,
Since this sort of question would imply that you are new to internet dating, I will keep my smart-aleck response to your name to myself. The short answer? Type this: "Would you like to meet for drinks? You name the place and time and I will be there."

She will either respond with a yes or no. The worst that can happen? She says no, but remember that it might be because she needs more time. Quality is worth the wait if you are truly looking for a mate and not a one-night stand. If you still lack the nerve, grab the bourbon or go to bed. After all, in the words of Scarlett, tomorrow is another day.

Feeling Like Cinderella

Dear Miss Lisa:
After being on a couple of dating sites for a couple of months, I finally found a guy that seemed to be the man of my dreams. There's one thing he does that drives me nuts and wondered if you could help me. He is so affectionate in public that I feel like a kept woman and it's embarrassing. Any advice?
signed,
Feeling Like Cinderella

Dear Cinders,
Some men are control freaks and want, or rather make that 'need', to show the world that you are his and his alone. (Is he a Taurus? It will say so on his dating profile). Have a private chat with him and tell him how you feel in a public place so that if it doesn't go well you will have the security of the crowd. Some control freaks don't like their women setting boundaries so expect the worst. 

If he doesn't come around, drop him like a hot potato. In fact, don't bother with the potholders, go back to your dating sites and find another beefcake.

Tiffany Is Taken

Dear Miss Lisa:
I finally found a nice guy online and we have been dating regularly for a couple of weeks. How do I let my old boyfriend know that I'm not interested in him anymore?
signed,
Tiffany Is Taken

Dear Tiff,
The latest rage to help with this problem is to wear a hair bow a certain way. According to the image below, you would wear the bow on either side of your head, depending on your relationship status, going steady or deeply in love. Of course, you'll have to wear a sign around your neck describing what the bow position means, but if you print it in coordinating colors to match your outfit, it won't stand out too badly.

Flummoxed Fran

Dear Miss Lisa:
I'm new to online dating and have a dilemma - 2 guys have asked me out but I don't know which one to pick?
signed,
Flummoxed Fran

Dear Flummoxed,
First off, I would find another name for yourself - I had to google it to make sure you spelled it right. No one wants to work that hard to begin with, right?
Dating two men at the same time will increase your chances of finding the man you'll fall in love with and will keep you from obsessing over just one person.

When you are starting out, don't spend all your time, energy, and emotions on any single man, no matter how much he's convinced you he's Mr.OhmygawdHe'sPerfect. Why? Because dating two at the same time can have its benefits. You won't be wringing your hands wondering if he's even giving you a second thought if you're simultaneously dating Mr. Kinda-Fabulous and Mr. Just-Okay, too. This also puts you in control and that's important, especially when dealing with men that are born under the Taurus sign. Trust me on this...

Maybe some of our readers can share their thoughts and experiences?